Forgive To Forget

A key principle to remain light and stable in relationships is – ‘forgive *
and* forget’ - it’s a well-known principle – one that we sometimes find
difficult to practice. It can be modified to ‘forgive *to* forget’.
Sometimes we spend many years with so much bitterness inside us for a
particular person, with an inner violence of wanting to make the other ‘pay’
(emotions of revenge), the one who has supposedly hurt you. If you don’t
strike back immediately, you at least want to keep this ‘guilt card’ in your
pocket, to be pulled out at a later date: “Oh yes, well what about the time
when you….” We keep this bitterness inside us because we haven't forgiven. *It
does not resolve the situation; the only thing it does is increase our pain,
makes us heavy and does not let us remain in peace*.  So the key is *that if
we do not forgive, we cannot forget.* When someone has offended or insulted
us, the last thing we want to do is to let it go. And yet, if our desire is
to have a healthy, lasting relationship, that is exactly what we’ve got to
do.

Sometimes, when it is a question of a broken relationship, it is not only a
matter of forgiving the other, but of forgiving yourself for having allowed
yourself to enter that experience. It was you that took the step to allow
that experience to be entered into. If you hadn't taken that step, you
wouldn't have had that experience. You accepted that challenge, that
relationship, and what might happen in it – you were aware of the
possibilities when you entered in the relationship. *So not only do you have
to learn to forgive the other, but also to forgive yourself* in such
situations. Only then will you be able to forget.